On Romance
Romance is hardly easy to define. While for some it is the gifting of flowers on valentine’s day or a birthday, for others it is the impulse of staying in to watch a movie eating popcorn on a Friday. Most of my friends in relationships wait for set dates to make romantic gestures, many of which fulfill their purpose when posted on the instagram story of their significant other. My personal definition of romance is the triumph of emotion over any rational or logical decision; manifested in a wide array of options.
I admit that I was lucky in that growing up I was widely exposed to cases of “real romance”, most of which took place long before I was born. My paternal grandparents, who I hold as the ideal couple, fell in love through letters, with my grandfather living in 4 different countries while courting my grandmother. In a time where a goodnight text was impossible, phone calls were madly expensive, and FaceTime was only an idea in sci-fi novels, pen and paper had the power of allowing two people to fall in love. This often idealized story did not come without hardships (of which I was only made aware recently), but the desire to be close to the other person, even exclusively through words, beat any complication that existed. Emotions felt on two separate continents beat the logical hurdle caused by distance.
Decades later, the story of how my parents met proved to be another rom-com worthy anecdote. My father was working in Colombia, spoke a rudimentary level of spanish with an accent he had picked up in Zaragoza, when one day he was invited to a finca by one of his colleagues. When he arrived, he was introduced to a woman in her twenties, building a sandcastle with her little cousins (who he thought were her children). That same morning, my uncle woke my mother telling her that she was to be introduced “to the future father of her children”. The very fact that I am able to write this now attests that claim, but of course they were oblivious to the reality that was to overcome them. When they met, both widely disinterested in the other, they could not have expected that it would lead to a marriage of 27 years and counting. The cultural differences, the fact that my father had a girlfriend in Germany and a significant communication problem, were all overcome by the simple curiosity to meet the other person more intimately because their hearts told them so.
In the constant paradox of choice we live in, it is easy to belittle feelings due to the ambiguous thought that something better might appear. As such, when what you feel is real it penetrates the solid foundations of what you thought was right. Really liking someone in the wrong place, moment or mental state often puts you in an internal conflict between your mind and your heart; a position that is as uncomfortable as inescapable. Yet the feeling often provides a protagonist moment in lives that sometimes feel like movies. Drinking a glass of wine while staring at the moon, hoping that the person you feel close to is looking at the same object orbiting around our earth. Playing around with a small object that reminds you of the essence and energy of that person. Listening to a song that reminds you of their gestures or face-expressions, while humming to the rhythm. I hope that the person reading this has had a similar experience, for there is nothing more confusing and enticing. For those of you that can relate, you are a romantic; even if you deny it with all your heart.
In the last decade many taboo topics have moved towards normalcy. Job-changing was formerly seen as a crisis, while most people today switch their jobs regularly. Mental health used to be difficult to understand for the majority of people, where today it is a common subject in conversations. Sex was an immoral topic in older generations, while today it is much more freely discussed. Why then are emotions taboo?
Romanticism isn’t a fiction created in Hollywood, and should not only exist in movies. Passion isn’t a feeling that should be saved for special occasions. Feelings are something you should be proud of.